Parked in Front of ABC Carpet & Home

This individual is clearly itching to be made an example of. What screams "I'm a pompous ass!" more clearly than driving one of these lumbering vehicles in the middle of an energy crisis? This particular ass-clown has chosen to further highlight the facts at hand with the addition of this lame-as-fuck personalized Connecticut license plate matching ironic bumper sticker. Now, the word 'Horse' used to be slang for heroin back in the Golden Days of Blue Angel, Superfly and Iceberg Slim; and might have made this bumper sticker at least sort of interesting. Unfortunately, its meaning is probably literal.

Offered: Slightly-Used Boyfriend!

I gleaned this nauseatingly cutesy match-making blurb from a local community board that is something of a referenced Craigslist for West Elm assholes who refuse take their chances with the degenerate scumbags on the People's Internet like the rest of us. It also happens to be a fabulous source of all things hoity-toity, but I can name neither the site itself or the blurb's author, lest I break their precious terms and conditions and get reproached, or even kicked off. Naturally, as kind of an appetizer, its author qualifies his own brilliance in the opening. The blurb surpasses its pretension only in its witlessness and cliche. Please note the stock Starbucks reference ...


"This is a re-post from the new (Blah-Blah) beta site, that was so well received that I thought I'd give this a shot for real! Woo hoo!

1958 near mint condition boyfriend available to the right owner. Slightly used, rarely abused, high mileage but mostly for highway usage and cross country trecks. Original engine, fully loaded with tons of available options. This baby has the power and the stamina to go off road, yet cleans up nicely for those nights on the town, an awesome ride to be sure. Clean, clear headlights mark the way for this classic vehicle. All upholstery and equipment is original and has been kept in impeccable condition. Never one to be "left out in the rain" this workhorse knows it's way around any bend, and always finds the way home at night. This unit will not remain on the market for long. Bids begin at 25K, but coffee at Starbucks would suit as well. Do not miss out on this one of a kind, once in a lifetime offer!"

Vagina Verite: an Unabashed Exploration of the Plain, Ordinary and Mysterious Matter of Vaginas

This exhibition is no Starbucks, but if this isn’t hoity-toity, then I don’t know what is. Anyway, its subject certainly concerns us all: the vagina, also known as the coochie, snatch, crotch and most disturbingly (according to an associate of the artist herself) the 'cheeseburger.'

Whatever you call 'em, come on down and see the Good, the Bad and the Ugly from the World of Vaginas with over some 70 close-ups! Don’t get turned on just yet, gentlemen, because this is nary the place for thou to tickle thy pickle. You’ll find no highly groomed San Fernando Valley Vaginas here, my friends. This exhibit simply highlights the quaint beauty encountered only in run of the mill, everyday vaginas.

“The V-Portraits are close up, there are no stylists, no details about the model to set up the mood for fantasy—just the elusive faces of the vagina in plain view. Each beautiful and strikingly unique,” explains Alexandra Jacoby, whose snapshots featured on her website came from her work on the Book of Vulva.

“The V-Portraits reveal the elusive face of the average vagina in plain view—not that there is such a thing as an average vagina—they are each unique and beautiful.”

For those impetuous porn hunters out there, the link at the bottom right of her page condescendingly explains, "Vaginaverite.com is a forum for conversation on vagina-related subjects. No porn here, just: Women’s Vagina First Times, Men’s Vagina First Times, Vagina Taste and Feel, What do you Call it?, Vagina Style and A Consumer’s Guide to Oral Sex!"

Click to find out more and check out the next exhibition, probably in Park Slope!

http://www.vaginaverite.com/